“I’m starting with...

...the man in the mirror.”



In the many years we’ve coached leaders from many different organizations and industries, both for-profit and non-profit, our discussions always begin with self-leadership. We lead with, “If you can’t lead you, you do not have the right to lead others.” The most common visual we use is leading the person in the mirror. In this season of self-reflection, it is the person in the mirror who is the topic of introspection. Hence, the title from Michael Jackson’s 1988 hit song, “Man in the Mirror” is appropriate for our discussion around self-reflection!

Much has been written about the importance and value of self-reflection as a means to continuously learn and grow as a person and a leader. What we’ve found are leaders not really knowing how to self-reflect. Intellectually, they understand the mechanics. In practice, it rarely sees the light of day as many of these same leaders are much more focused on the organizational goals in front of them, not fully realizing the value of their self-leadership to achieving their organizational goals.

Self-reflections is a form of personal analysis to bring life into alignment both the derived outcomes and impact. So, let’s explore some of the key elements of effective self-reflection in the context of self-leadership:

• Make time ~ Make the time to reflect where there will be no distractions or possibility of being disturbed. The quiet will provide the needed focus on asking the right questions and thinking through the best answers in reflection. Fifteen (15) minutes of focused time is a great place to start!

• Ask questions ~ Ask questions that begin with “what” or “how” to begin the reflection process. An example we use often would be, “How can I think about this situation differently?”. Avoid using questions beginning with “why” as that tends to be defensive and can set a negative tone for the reflection process.

• Write the answers ~ As answers come up, write them down as they appear. Do not attempt to apply validity appropriates or correctness to the answers as they appear. Writing them down creates a visual record of your thoughts to reflect on. Or, as we say in our coaching practice, “Not written, not real.”!

• Select one answer ~ After fifteen minutes, pick one answer from the list of answers that is actionable and will have the greatest upside impact to self-leadership development. It should be something actionable in the short-term, so the reflection process has immediate impact to new leadership attitudes and behaviors!

• Act on the new idea ~ Hold yourself to accountability and ownership to the new attitudes and behaviors. Use an outside resource if necessary as we acknowledge humans are generally ill-equipped to hold themselves accountable to change. Intent does not generate results and growth does not happen without action!



Self-reflection is a process enabling leaders to grow their understanding of who they are, better ground themselves in their values, as well as understand why they think and act the way they do. As we outline in our essence of leadership, “What a leader believes, they think. What they think, they do and what they do drives desired results.”!

What is the person in the mirror telling you about your leadership? If you are not sure, we can help.

Lead well!