The first thing we establish in these coaching conversations is agreement on two key conditions related to conflict. First, we never speak of eliminating conflict as it is an inherent part of the human condition. Therefore, we only speak to conflict management, not conflict elimination. Secondly, we set the stage that not all conflict is negative or destructive. In our own business leadership experience, we effectively used constructive conflict as a leadership tool. Every leader we led understood that part of our job as their manager was to never let them get comfortable. Comfortable leads to complacency and lazy leadership, which is something no effective leader can afford, especially in today’s VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, Ambiguous) business environment.
As we explore each leader’s ability to manage conflict, we typically see that most know they have a basic responsibility to manage the conflict situation and simply don’t know how. There is an inherent fear of conflict in the workplace for many different reasons. The first obstacle to overcoming that fear is the leader’s own habitual response to conflict that is baked into their subconscious. Given that our subconscious governs nearly 90% of what we do, the habitual response is quite a powerful force in the leader’s attitude towards a conflict situation.
To counter the leader’s negative habitual response to conflict, they must have a conscious adaptive response. As it is estimated that close to 80% of society will choose avoidance as a subconscious habitual response to conflict, the conscious response must be well defined. As we coach our clients, we remind them that it is communications that is both the cause and the cure of conflict. Therefore, the leader’s ability to effectively communicate with all the elements that go with it (tone, listening, nonverbals, emotions, etc.) is crucial to successful conflict management. As effective communications is routinely stated as the biggest issue in business in general, the importance in doing so when emotions are running hot during conflict merely compounds its importance in conflict resolution.
So, when is a conflict effectively managed to its proper resolution? The answer highlights what we see as a key blind spot for leaders in these situations. Conflict is effectively managed when both the substantive issue(s) as well as the emotional issue(s) are both resolved by all parties concerned. The blind spot occurs when leaders focus on the much more tangible substantive issue(s) and neglect to resolve the emotional issue(s). We’ve heard too many stories where one party of the conflict is reassigned to another team, department or business-unit as part of the conflict resolution solution. It solves the substantive issue(s) yet leaves the emotional issue(s) unresolved to surface again, usually at a very inopportune time.
Through the course of our business and leadership coaching practice, we’ve had multiple opportunities to directly facilitate workplace conflict as well as coach others on how to effectively manage conflict in their organizations. Conflict in the workplace brings out a multitude of opportunities for leaders to demonstrate their effective communication, listening and emotional intelligence skills. A leader’s ability to positively leverage these skills gives hope to the fact that disagreements don’t have to have dire negative consequences and instead lead to fresh ideas and a stronger sense of psychological safely and trust within their organizations.
How is your leadership communication causing or curing conflict on your team? If you’re not sure,
we can help.
Lead Well!
